The pessimist’s way #1

Life is disappointing ,maybe.The very concept of living is eventually pain ..the pain of loss, the pain of regret , the pain of disappointments .I constantly dream of water everyday …And it feels as if I’ve been living happily beneath..with like nothing ..just those comforting blues that do not now cause friction with my skin rather the water is all over my consciousness and feels like I unclasped all my expectations from life ,like everything no miracles , no pinks .. There was this unavoidable glare,these rays that reached to me down ,refracted…These illusions that at some time motivate me to move my numbness to hope, to faith, to believe in miracles again to live…And then with some hesitation as I try to put my fingers above the surface , I figure my faith is suicidal , it falls back again , a bait to this miserable circle of life and its disappointments .To be happy ,is to be sad and disappointed  the very next moment.. To be caught in this persistent manhunt that doesn’t seem to be there but subconsciously runs in the very blood of humans.. this competition ,this cruelty ,this wit to out smarten and make an ideal existence for just himself ..this domination and this ignorance . And”Ignorance is a bliss”.I somewhat have turned sadistic to these kind of humans at some point ,who seem actually satisfied with this life ,with this perpetual hunt ,with these disappointments that die only with you. I cant just show them these crazy dimensions,these depths I am trapped in ..I feel insane ,I feel paralyzed thinking of in a loop again and again and again ..I am just done ,I am just happy maybe, submissive underwater with these bouts of violent thought processes..What do we live for ?

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6 thoughts on “The pessimist’s way #1

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  1. “This competition ,this cruelty ,this wit to out smarten and make an ideal existence for just himself ..this domination and this ignorance”.
    I feel those who thought a bit have realized this at some point or the other. With time everyone grows and overcomes this.
    Why do we live?
    Would love to read your next write up “The optimistic way #1” ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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